Paul
meant this when he said: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save
sinners of whom I am chief;" Said, this, "is worthy of all acceptation"
or was, a good testimony. Because one can never see how bad the heart
is, until God sheds the light to see it. So many people are deceived, as
a blind man. They may be in filth, and do not know it. It is there,
but not seen, for lack of light.
I was first condemned by reading the Psalms. I said: "If Christians
have impulses to "rejoice", clap their hands, and "shout", I do not
know what it is. I find no response of gladness in my heart." I trembled
with fear to think of God and the judgement day. This continued from
youth up to the age of forty. At this time I received from Christ the
"Gift of the Holy Ghost", the "Unction", that which "leads unto all
truth." There are many names for this; I call it the Bible name. "Hold
fast the form of sound words." Before this I had never spoken a word
for God or prayed in public. At one time I was called on to do so, and
was terrified and mumbled out something, that was no prayer. Now all
was changed: "I was glad when they said unto me, let us go into the
house of the Lord." I was anxious for my time to come to tell how
good Jesus was to me. When I met my neighbors I would be heavy-
hearted, because they talked of servants, house cleaning, the new fashions,
and these seemed so vain, so frivolous.
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