I kept these doubts to myself, for I thought infidelity a disgrace. I
wanted to believe the Bible the word of God. I early saw that to close
the Bible was to shut out all knowledge of the purpose of life. Without
its revelations one does not know why we are born, why we live, or
where we go after death. We can see the purpose of all nature, but not
of this life of ours, and God had, by revelation, to make this known.
The Bible was a mystery to me. It often seemed to be a contradiction.
I did not love to read it, but above all things, I did not want to be a
hypocrite. I was determined to try to do my part. I would pray for the same
thing over and over again, so as to be in earnest, and think of what I was
asking. My mind was distracted by thoughts of the world. I said, if
there is a God, he will not hear the prayer of those, so disrespectful as
not to think of what they ask. I never seemed to get rid of this, unless at
times, when I would have some sorrow of heart. "By the sadness of the
countenance, the heart is made better."
I do not believe the Bible because I understand it; for there are few
things of revelation that I do understand. Creation is a mystery, still
we know everything had a beginning. I do not know why things grow
out of the earth. Why they are green. Why grass makes wool on a
sheep and hair on a cow, but I know these are facts. I cannot understand
why or how the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses from sin, neither
do I understand that greatest of all mysteries, the new birth, but nothing
more positively a fact in my experience.
Pages:
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65